Saturday, June 30, 2007

television writers: causing english majors to have aneurysms since 1928

Why the hell do stupid people insist on using the word "ironically" to describe everything? I'm sitting here watching a show on Discovery Health and the narrator has used the word "ironic" three times in the past five minutes to describe things that were coicidental, unfortunate, counterintuitive, and other various adjectives that have nothing to fucking do with irony.

Also, who was the asshole who decided to start using "an" as an article before "historic"? And why have other people latched on to this? You only use "an" before a vowel or vowel sound. Do either one of those qualities apply to the word "historic"? Here's a hint: no. No, they do not. And if you just thought to yourself "But I pronounce it 'istoric because I think that makes me sound smart!" then you should probably go have yourself sterilized immediately. It's not "'istory," so it's not "'istoric." Also, you can look it up in the dictionary, where you will find that dropping the H is not an acceptable pronunciation.

And -- I'm looking at you, Discovery Channel -- stop referring to rape as "taking advantage of" a person. Taking advantage is when someone is maybe a little bit drunk or vulnerable and makes a bad decision. Knocking out a little girl, raping her, and then dismembering her is nowhere near the sphere of "taking advantage." And while we're on the subject, "brutal" does not need to be used to describe murder and "violent" does not need to describe rape. They're sufficiently vivid words as they are.

Also: "dead body" should be removed from the English vernacular. We call live bodies "people." So if there's a body found decomposing in the woods, I think we would all assume we're talking about a dead person. Perhaps someone who just said "take and" to me.

4 comments:

nate said...

My English teacher would have a stroke if she heard anyone misuse "an". Just like my Spanish teacher (almost as much of a cunt as Ann) would feel the need to correct our english...what the fuck lady, we're here to learn Spanish! gah!

Cindy said...

I also get frustrated with the overuse of the word "interesting." Perhaps I won't find it "interesting." What if I'm totally bored, annoyed, or disappointed by the outcome? Or if I just don't give a flying fuck? Huh, huh, huh?

Don Guitar said...

In trade school they taught us that the technology which went into television was a spin-off of radar development in the mid-thirties so I was certain you'd "missed the mark" by referencing "1928" but I'm not betting my GED on what I think so I turned to google and learned that something called "mechanical television" was invented in 1928. Well, whatever the technology, someone was expected to read a statement and, that being the case, there had to be a copywriter. Once again my grandchild manages to teach me something. I couldn't be more proud of you.

Speaking of making life tough for English majors, I spotted this ad the other day and had to snag a copy.
http://www.don-guitar.com/photos/seagate.jpg
Even more amusing than the ad was the way they tried to rationalize it when I emailed them about it. The easiest way to explain their "explanation" would be to tack on a contraction:
"It's Your On"
That, according to them, was how they meant it. I replied that bad advertising was bad advertising, with or without an explanation and how do you think I signed off?

Yes, I did, I told them to "have a nice day". It was only fair.

Every time we think we've had a bad day we just pop in and read your latest. Then we feel better. Sure we want to go find that idiot you were talking about and slap him senseless, even though we know it's too late, but we feel good about wanting to.

Papadon

Scott said...

wow.. I didn't know "rape" and "taking advantage of" were interchangeable. Sheesh, i've have been raped MANY MANY times in my youth (instead of once)! I merely thought I was drunk and horny and in the wrong place with the wrong guy and thought "oh, what the hell!" Damn them!

Now I feel like a victim again. I'm going to go take a hot shower and think about this.