Tuesday, June 19, 2007

i'm either well-rounded or a threat to myself and others

I have a new life goal: to drive in a demolition derby. I'd love to use my father's old Mercury Zephyr, but that's mostly because I want to destroy that car. Although I don't know what I could do to that thing that could damage it any more -- it has a family of raccoons living in it and a tree growing through it. I don't even know how that's possible, but apparently it is.

Not only do I think it would be quite suitable for me to take up a hobby that involves intentionally crashing cars, but people will probably start taking me more seriously when I threaten to run them over. And I would really like it if my obituary were carried by the AP and contained the phrases "radical feminist," "Nobel Prize," and "demolition derby." Also, I think it will make my students exactly the right mix of amused and slightly afraid of me.

I already know what I'm going to call my series of spraypainted, barely moving hunks of metal: Beowulf. All of them will have the same name. What name could possibly be more suitable for a hunk of screeching metal barely clinging to its own existence and yet charging off into battle? (Here's to no funeral pyre.)

I think I'll invite my students out to see me crash up some cars, and I'll give them extra credit if they can explain in a brief, amusing essay why exactly I chose that name.

5 comments:

Nate said...

"I have a new life goal: to drive in a demolition derby."

When I read that, I seriously said "Oh fuck" outloud and my mom got mad lol

Having a car named Beowulf would be the shit. Seriously. Oh, and I'm planning on going to college in PA, but on the western side at Westminster College :-\

Oh well, only a few hours drive away from being able to terrorize your neighbors by growing some weeds and shooting fireworks :)

Scott said...

"The dragon began to belch out flames and burn bright homesteads... "

Scott said...

Nate:

Don't go to Westminster.. that's about an hour north of here in Amish country...New Wilmington.

Actually there's an old joke up there that goes: "what goes *click clack* *click clack* BANG *click clack* *click clack* BANG ? " a: "a drive-by in New Wilmington"

I had some friends go there...they are all fucked up now. Don't do it!!!! Go somewhere more liberal and fun like CMU.

Amanda said...

Nate: I second what Scott said. There are so many much, much better schools in PA and in NY and in NJ to consider. What are you thinking about majoring in? Not that you need to make these decisions right now. You're only going to be a junior, right? Or will you be a sophomore this year? Either way, there is PLENTY of time. Also, don't go to any school that considers its religious community more important than its academic programs. It's a very, very bad sign.

Naaaateeee said...

Eep, I'm planning to major in Music and Music Education, and decided to pick Westminster because A. I'm Presbyterian, and so is the college, and B. I already have my tuition paid off for the first 4 years through scholarships O_o

Any other schools you recommend? If you've heard of it, chances are I have a letter from them lol. Maybe I'll just have to go wherever Amanda's going...mwuahhahaha

My email's Dellebird@yahoo.com, no offense 'Manda, but it's much faster than this :P (plus school's out and I dont sleep)