Tuesday, September 11, 2007

they forgot "less tolerant of complete fools"

According to OkCupid's new personality award thingies, I am...

more aggressive
more ambitious
more artistic
more literary
more desiring of sex
more trusting
more well-mannered

and

less dorky
less indie
less desiring of love

...which to me seems like a frighteningly accurate assessment of my life and personality via funny little pictures. If by "trusting" you mean "more likely to be able to take most people out if they get out of hand" and by "well-mannered" you mean "more likely to fucking kill you if you don't acknowledge that it was me letting you into traffic and not your superior driving skills, you brain-damaged asshole."

Some douchebag wrote in to the paper whining about people swearing. Really? Swearing is the problem that gets you so bothered that you feel the need to write in to the paper to combat the problem? Not global warming, our unjustified war with Iraq, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong Il both being crazier than Bobby Trendy on crystal meth, and Steely McBeam still at large? It's not AIDS or world hunger or female circumcision or terrorism or Toby Keith fans? The entire world running out of oil and yet having no feasible solution to meet our insatiable need for power and they still let Britney Spears out in public?

Swearing, huh? Yeah, I get it. I can see in a world where Osama bin Laden is still chilling out somewhere with time to Clairol his chin pubes, you'd really be upset about my frequent use of the word "cunt." Because somewhere in a concentration camp in North Korea, someone whose second cousin was rumored to have complained about the weather had his fingernails ripped out right as I stubbed my toe and said "fuck." Clearly, something needs to be done about me and what I've done to the world.

9 comments:

j.elliot said...

one starving musician came by to say: umm...yeah, that was my second cousin. his fingernails will never grow back the same :)

j.e.

Scott said...

amen sister! Cunt, Fuck, Cock, Jizz, Dubya -- all perfectly good swear words ('cept the last one...that one makes me cringe).

Scott said...

P.S. You should be ashamed. You're probably the reason britney lost her mind and gas is nearing 3$

Jon Gustav said...

thanks for the comment. much appreciated. why i often use the verbs ending with -ing is that i dictate them on tape before i write them down. so it's really how i speak english. :)

I liked your blog too.

Have a great day in life.

Nate said...

Dear Amanda,

Are you dead?

Love,
Nate

Amanda said...

Dear Nate:

Almost.

Love,
Amanda

PS: New stuff coming soon.

Don Guitar said...

Great, I registered at that cupid-thingy, took the wrong quiz (well, ok, a different one from the one you referred to) and now I'm getting email from them telling me all about "interesting" women who live near me. The seem to think Tow is a suburb of Peoria, or maybe it was Cahokia, whatever, I'm not taking the bait. I got mine. They can go fish (or cut bait).

Did you hear the one about the difference between a band of pygmies and a women's track team? Um, the pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts. I forget the rest.

Hope you're doing wonderfully. Miss your posts. Hope things slow down for you soon but, meanwhile, boy do we know how you feel. We have a full plate right now.

Best regards from your aging-geeky-virtual-Grandparents (and Yeeehaw from Texas).

Scott said...

dear manda,

i miss you....come back soon.

-Poodle

Nate said...

Dear Amanda,

I miss you more than Scott does.

Come back sooner,
-CCB