Wednesday, September 05, 2007

the other night, she said "twat" at the dinner table

So I bought one of those Magic Eraser things to scrub the scum off our shower grout. Those things actually work, which is kind of amazing. Because that type of product almost never works. But that's not what I wanted to tell you.

No, I wanted to tell you all that my mother has finally given up trying to clean up my mouth. After about 25 years. I'm glad she didn't reach the official quartercentennial under the delusion that eventually I won't sound like a truck-driving sailor who just smashed his thumb in a door. Or, you know, her.

On the Magic Eraser package, it says not to use on your skin, because it "may cause abrasion." I'd fucking hope that my skin wouldn't be able to hold up to something I'd use to clean up mildew. Something would be extremely wrong with the makeup of my epidermis if it had the relative toughness of, say, a triceratops.

Me: May cause abrasion. Damn. I was gonna use it on my taint.
Mom: Turn it into a 'twas.

Thank you and goodnight.

7 comments:

Scott said...

OMG. You just made me snort at work. My coworkers have further proof of my insanity. Nice. Thanks a lot. Tell Miss Ellie that I'm adopting her.

Cindy said...

You can use a magic eraser on scum in the shower? No way. I'm so going to try that when I get home tonight.

Scott said...

this just made me think of an exchange my grandma told me about between her uncle and her 5-y.o. daughter that occurred many years ago..

Uncle Claude: My you're getting to be a big girl
Aunt Suzy: Nuh-Uh, I still don't have any hair on my Twissy-Twas

Nice to see the "twas" resurrected ;-)

Amanda said...

Background for all those interested: So all the comments are forwarded to my email so I can moderate them (which I do to control spam and morons and spamming morons). My email account is with gmail. Gmail has ad links next to each email message based on words it's gleaned from the message. They are frequently hilarious.

Next to Scott's second comment, the links were for Kashi, hosting foreign exchange students, and glow-in-the-dark fishing tackle.

I don't even fucking know.

Nate said...

What the...?

Scott said...

Well, So I guess that while you are checking out some foreign exchange student's taint, you might need the glow in the dark tackle to catch the elusive pussy-fish. Though, you hope that what she just said in her native tongue doesn't equate to "Be careful, I just recently finished a bowl of Kashi." ?

Love,

OodlesOfPoodles

ayem8y said...

I had a teacher in college that I just hated. Her name, MS. Watson and she was the meanest most unhappy person in the world. I changed her name to MS. Twatson!