Monday, August 22, 2005

the sound that makes me want to punch babies

"There are certain sounds in this world... that make you want to punch a baby."
----Dane Cook

I have discovered the sound that makes me punch infants. It is the sound of my coworker laughing. She sounds like a drunk freshman. Nothing in an office could possibly be this funny this often. I'm glad I don't have children for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is because I would be forced to punch them as soon as I got home, due entirely to having heard this banshee's goddamn squealing all fucking day long.

And she acts like a fucking whore. She throws herself (not even just flirting, but fucking throwing herself) at every guy in the office. Doesn't matter if they're handsome or if they look like something I once saw my dog sniff on the side of the road--she apparently wants them all. And she has chosen "You are my MAN!" as her catch-phrase.

I'm going to have to take in a radio just so I can drown her the fuck out. It's either that or I have to cut a bitch, and I'm pretty sure that if I can get fired for not wearing pantyhose, I can get fired for cutting a bitch while on the clock.


SpangledAngel said...

I love the new ultra-girlie blog! I was wondering when you were gonna break down and get on blogger! Welcome to my world! Have a taco...

Also, this bitch may be annoying but she could SPEAK LIKE THE DEVIL - A E I O U LSKNLDGFAINR:GNO7HN*Y43!!!!!


Scott said...

woo hoo.. niceeee

Serafindulce said...

Hmmmm, I think you could cut the bitch, but probably in the parking lot after work. Or you could follow her to her house and do it there. Or, try the old server trick. Get an old bottle of Visine (the newer formulas don't have the needed ingredient) put a drop or two in her drink, and she'll be puking her guts out for the rest of the day. Kind of like that guy in Mission Impossible. Good times.

Nice new blog btw. It's festive!

Sasha said...

Ok, so can we just acknowledge the part of that post that scares me most? You can get fired for not wearing pantyhose???? That's friggin messed up. ;)

Anyhow, love the new pink blog, too. You know I generally approve of all things pink.