"There are certain sounds in this world... that make you want to punch a baby."
I have discovered the sound that makes me punch infants. It is the sound of my coworker laughing. She sounds like a drunk freshman. Nothing in an office could possibly be this funny this often. I'm glad I don't have children for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is because I would be forced to punch them as soon as I got home, due entirely to having heard this banshee's goddamn squealing all fucking day long.
And she acts like a fucking whore. She throws herself (not even just flirting, but fucking throwing herself) at every guy in the office. Doesn't matter if they're handsome or if they look like something I once saw my dog sniff on the side of the road--she apparently wants them all. And she has chosen "You are my MAN!" as her catch-phrase.
I'm going to have to take in a radio just so I can drown her the fuck out. It's either that or I have to cut a bitch, and I'm pretty sure that if I can get fired for not wearing pantyhose, I can get fired for cutting a bitch while on the clock.