the writhing anglophiles

There is a certain school of thought (it's generally referred to as "being in your twenties") that subscribes to the notion that everything that is British is vastly superior to anything that is American. (A notable example of the fallacy of this idea would be any food ever made.) The people who follow this school of thought irritate the very life-force from my being.

So when I was scrolling through the digital cable television listings the other day and saw that "The Office" was on, I nearly creamed myself with joy. And then I realized that it was on the BBC, which meant that it was a "stolen show," as the writhing twentysomethings call it. I could hear their nasal, condescending voices in my head already. "Ugh, the British version was so much better. So much more sophisticated before they dumbed them down for Americans." (Here they generally say "Americans" the way I might say "Rick Santorum" or "dog vomit.") Although there are very few Brit-coms I like, I absolutely love the American "The Office" and hoped that the British one would at least be as funny. Granted, I only watched one episode, but I didn't even giggle. It wasn't that it went over my head, or that I couldn't understand their accents (they're British, for Christ's sake). The jokes were just ridiculous. The only enjoyable part was drawing comparisons between the British and the American versions of the main characters. (Incidentally, the guys who play Jim look like they could be cousins.)

I tend to dislike these Anglophilic dolts not only because I disagree with them, but because I dated one for entirely too long. Although generally, he just liked to disagree with anything mainstream, no matter how ingrained into our DNA the subject might be. I once listened to him rant about why humans weren't designed to walk on two legs after watching a commercial for a mattress that offered some sort of superior lower-back support. He disagreed with walking. Yeah. You might want to stop reading, get yourself some tea, perhaps put your head between your legs before you resume reading, as you might have a small stroke. I know I did. The next person who accuses me of disliking Harry Potter simply because of its popularity should go have a little conversation with that douche. (That and read a real book.)

Before those friends of mine who are Anglophiles start leaving me nasty comments containing extra U's and E's peppered through their vocabulary, I will leave you with this.

There are many British things I do like. Tea, for example. I usually drink it with half-and-half and sugar. Monty Python, although not every single goddamn sketch. I say "quite" and "indeed" a lot. Wallace & Grommet. (Actually, Nick Park in general.) And I'm not exactly a patriot--patriotism is dangerous. To paraphrase Voltaire, to become a good patriot, one must become an enemy of the rest of mankind. This doesn't mean I don't like America. After all, our (good) television shows are vastly superior. That and we'd never serve baked beans for breakfast.